Quarter Life Crisis

December 17, 2014

For the past weeks, I've been feeling lost, as if I didn't know what to do in life anymore. I felt scared, of what I was going to do with my life. In turn, it suddenly made me want to travel the city, the country, and the world, just to get out of this place and somehow find myself. I know it sounds tumblr-ish, but it feels like the best remedy to what I'm feeling right now. 

Am I depressed? 
Probably not. Eating spaghetti still makes me happy, so depression is out of the picture. 

Am I being immature about it?
 maybe? it seems like I don't want to face the uncertainty of the future but in reality, I actually love uncertainty. I never thought that I'd get into psychology or get into sports like Dragon Boat or Trapeze. I know first hand that there are things in life that are meant for you that you do not know as of the moment, therefore making uncertainty actually a good thing.

I think the thing I'm having a problem with is commitment.

With graduation coming near, I'm going to have to make choices, choices that will direct me to what I want to fulfill in life. As of now, I'm having difficulties choosing between taking up Master's or continue working at Trapeze. Trapeze makes me happy as of the moment, but I also want to become a researcher in the future. I've thought of taking both at the same time, but with the late schedule of both, it isn't possible. Time is running out and I have to choose one or the other eventually.

With these turn of events I now fully understand that this single lifetime isn't enough. I want to experience the most that life can offer, whether it be extreme sports, or as simple as fishing with nets. I hate how some experiences are limited because of one's socio-economic status. I mean, why can't I learn how to fish like the fisher men? because its what poor people do? fuck that. I want to learn and I'm frustrated that I don't know how to learn it. Its not like I know any fishermen around. Or I also want to learn how to operate those cranes they use in construction sites. Okay, maybe its understandable that this kind of experience isn't open to everyone but still, we shouldn't discriminate because experiences shouldn't be limited do just a certain class. Anyways, the point is that there's a lot of things that I want to experience but I just don't know where to start.

I'm confused, and scared, and I just want to know what to do with my life.